Ice Cream
by Takanami
Summary: Revenge is sweet, and a dish best served cold. K-Unit doesn't know what's coming to them. One-shot


a/n: Most of these lines were decided on in public, yelling them at the top of our lungs. It was very interesting.

Revenge is sweet and a dish best served cold. Therefore, ice cream! Wisdom from Tom Harris.

While we own neither that public place, nor Alex Rider, we wish we did. ~Sekai

* * *

><p>The sergeant glared at them as they stood outside by the mess hall, three of them looked vaguely confused. Vaguely, because they kept shooting glances at the person they were sure was the problem, who didn't seem confused in the slightest. While K-Unit was usually the best unit in the SAS, their moments of clumsiness occurred most often when a certain member of theirs decided to do something for the hell of it. Namely...<p>

"Eagle! What were you doing with C4 in the mess hall?" the sergeant shouted.

"Sir! Building something to blow up F-Units cabin, sir!"

"And did you clean it up?"

"No, sir! I made the newbie do it, sir!"

"How many times have I told you to take responsibility for your actions?"

"Seventeen and a half, sir!"

"A half?"

"One time a guy ran in on fire, and I didn't hear the rest of what you said because I was busy looking for your alcohol stash to put him out with, sir!"

The sergeant felt a headache coming on. He had a mission for K-Unit, which he was beginning to seriously worry about giving them now that the time had come. "You do realize that alcohol is forbidden on the premises, which forbids me from having any? And I do not tolerate being accused of bending the rules."

"Sir, I was not aware of that rule. I assumed since Wolf had some that it was okay."

The sergeant barely spared Wolf a curious glance.

"Permission to speak?" Snake requested.

"Granted."

He turned to face Eagle. "When the hell did he ever have alcohol?"

"Remember that time when he was acting drunk? What else could it have been!"

"Oh, I don't know..._ like when he was dosed with Valium so the doctor could stitch up his leg_?"

"Eagle, did anyone ever tell you to use your head?" the sergeant asked irritably. The only reason the soldier had gotten in was because, despite all jabs and sarcastic comments made at him, Eagle really was damn good at his job, and smart at it too. He just didn't act it.

"I didn't know that was required, sir."

"Using your head?" Irritation laced his voice.

"No, sir. I didn't know a head was required. However, sir, if one _is _required, I request permission to run. My teammate looks like he's about to kill me." Eagle cast a hesitant sideways glance at Wolf, who did indeed look murderous.

"Permission denied."

"Permission to grab medical gear, sir?" Snake asked.

"Granted."

"Permission to kill comrade?" Wolf snapped, temper barely in check.

"Granted."

The unit leader shot around Fox, bolting towards his prey. Eagle, despite being told not to, ran away.

"Permission to run before turning into collateral damage?" Fox asked, dodging from the path of the soldiers.

"Permission to follow me granted."

Eagle shouted from a ways away, "Permission to scream like a little girl?"

"Denied!"

* * *

><p>Wolf frowned, thinking.<p>

Fox tapped his fingers, trying to find a way around the problem.

Snake crossed his arms over his chest, and waited for the wall to give him answers.

Eagle continued turning all their straws into a massive jumble of pointy angles.

Around them in the diner, other people were chatting calmly, conversing without knowing what would soon unfold. Across the street, a bank was being run by a group of people that the local police was unable take out. They needed extra help if they didn't want to get all of their people massacred in the process. The sergeant, noticing that trouble started to brew when K-Unit was left to their own devices for too long, offered the service of the SAS. The force happily agreed.

However, the police force now claimed that they needed a legitimate reason to make the arrest, since they hadn't thought of that before. So whose job was it? K-Unit's. Of course.

"While our main plan of action will work, the gang's already onto us," Snake said, reading everyone's thoughts. It wouldn't look it, but Eagle was also actually paying attention. He always was. SAS was a serious job. When people retired from it, they were changed. Who wouldn't be? So Eagle became the anchor, that constant source of cheerfulness, that person who reminded them that there was a bright side to their job. A bright side other than knowing that if they came back from a mission with so much as a scratch, Mr. Mother Hen (AKA Snake) would be fussing over them until every trace of their wounds were gone. That wasn't much of a bright side. "A few of their members were pestering us yesterday."

Wolf shrugged slightly. "Makes sense. The police said that most people are smart enough not to pass through. The gang's got a hold of everyone. And can someone remind me why we're stuck in this position again?"

* * *

><p>In the booth behind Wolf and Fox, two kids sat staring at the table. They weren't distressed, they weren't scared. Instead, both of them were grinning their heads off. The two were there on vacation with the brother of the oldest one, traveling through towns and jumping off buildings. They were getting higher and higher with the buildings as they went. Alex and Tom were currently waiting for Jerry to get back so that they could move to the next town.<p>

However, now that they were in this position, they weren't sure they wanted to leave. Not yet, anyway.

Four of Alex's previous tormentors, all in the same place, all at the same time? All four tormentors having the same problem? And all four having some kind of dignity and/or pride? (They didn't know Eagle that well.) It was almost like a setup! Someone was expecting them to 'help'!

Snake answered Wolf's question. "Because they've decided that if they keep Eagle away from the camp long enough, they might be able to put reinforced walls everywhere so the place will last a couple more years. Now, the plan?"

Fox took it from there. "Snake enters first, and 'wants to set up an account'. Make sure to make yourself look convincing. The reason the police freaked and called us in is because the first time they sent someone in, that person was pulled into a backroom and shot. Multiple times. And they may already know we're coming as they probably have a mole in the police department by now." His comrades' expressions showed how enthusiastic about that particular idea they were. "When we're ready, Wolf will enter and tell him, 'The rest of the guys want to go to the bar. Want to come?' If for whatever jacked up reason-like, I don't know, Eagle lit himself on fire-"

"Hey!"

"-we have to abort, Wolf will say, 'Evan's wife is giving birth. We need to go.' If the plan is going through, then right after Wolf says that, we'll enter the building with guns out."

"Wait a second, aren't we trying to catch the bad guys?" Eagle asked.

Wolf caught on. "Why would bankers have guns? As soon as you guys come in, they'll pull out guns as well. The police said they aren't licensed to have any."

"And then Wolf and Snake pull out their guns on the nearest people at the same time the police guys come in behind us," Fox finished. "They're waiting for our signal that we're about to begin. Are we ready?"

Three nods answered him.

"Good."

* * *

><p>Everything was falling apart. Fox knew it. Eagle knew it. Snake knew it. Wolf knew it. And that's why Wolf was trying to explain to the person at the counter that they really needed to get to the hospital. The gangster wasn't buying it, and insisted that they needed to do some paperwork in a backroom.<p>

"Look, we can come back, we just need to-" Wolf snapped.

"Hey, guys! Come on, we gotta go! Sharon's busy with the kid! Do you want to miss the third moment you get a new nephew? You missed the first two!"

Wolf and Snake turned around. Two kids were staring at them with exasperated expressions, looking exactly like two nephews trying to drag their uncles over to the hospital. At first, Wolf thought they had mistaken them. But then why hadn't they realized it?

Genius! Wolf almost grinned. Fox and Eagle must have grabbed two kids off the street and paid them to do this. The police wouldn't pull in kids if they were about to open fire in that building. It erased all doubt from them.

But... then why did Fox and Eagle look bewildered?

The second kid turned to the clerk, hands on the counter. "Hey, can they come back later? We're going to miss the birth!" He hopped a few times on the last word, emphasizing his point. "And these two lovebirds should be there for their sister. Honestly! What brother and brother-in-law _wouldn't_ be there?"

Across the street and listening to the feed that they were getting from a mike in Snake's ear, Eagle and Fox both exchanged glances. First, both turned pale with fright. In the next second, they were both bent over on the ground, laughing their heads off.

"Better idea!" The first kid pointed a finger in the air, since his idea was obviously of national importance. "They can fill out the paperwork on the way to the hospital! Can they have the paperwork please? It'll make everything easier!" Both kids gave puppy dog looks to the clerk.

The gangster fell to the will of the teens. With a few muttered words, he left to find them paperwork.

"On the other hand..." Wolf muttered. "Does anyone feel like going to the bar?"

* * *

><p>The last few cop cars pulled away, the last of the gangsters tucked safely inside.<p>

Wolf continued running murder scenes in his mind. Snake thought of the best ways to kill someone without leaving any evidence. Both of their victims were two certain teenagers.

Fox and Eagle, meanwhile, were barely suppressing grins. Wolf mad? Yeah, that happened just about every day. Snake ready to murder? That _never_ happened. And the sources of their fury had mysteriously vanished into the night, never to be seen again.

"So..." Fox finally said. "Should we head back to Hell, or stay around a little longer?"

"Staying," both angered soldiers said simultaneously.

"That kid is so dead..." Wolf muttered.

"Tch. There were two, remember?" Snake said. "Kill them both if you're going to kill one."

"Yeah, but only one of them planned it. And I know which one." Their unit leader continued glaring at no one in particular.

The other three looked at him in confusion. He gave them all a look that said he couldn't believe their ignorance.

"Isn't it obvious? That one damn kid was Cub!"

* * *

><p><strong>Work by Tsuki (<em>SamayouTamashi<em>) and Sekai (_NightmareWorld_). If you like this, find our individual works.**


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